When Perfectly Imperfect is Enough
I’m a quote fanatic. I love them because they are big ideas in a few words. Like this one. It’s powerful. I bet we all believe it. Yet, there are still some days that your mind thinks differently. It makes me wonder if we’ve been brainwashed.
Quote of the day: “Self worth comes from one thing thinking that you are worthy.” Wayne Dyer
Brainwashed how? How about all those times and years we’ve read that article about “How to Look Slimmer” or “Lose 10 Pounds by Wearing this.” It seems like we’ve heard these points over and over growing up. And don’t get me wrong, I realize we ALL want to look nice and look our best most days. But when did looking our best mean we have to look any kind of “er” whether that be thinner, taller, younger or better?
I get on these soapboxes after I hear any wonderful woman I know and love to diss herself. Truthfully, I’m sure we all diss ourselves at times. It’s probably natural. But I know personally, I’m trying hard to embrace myself and reiterate that I’m perfectly imperfect.
Which “er” do you Strive for
Don’t get me wrong, I love those comparisons with clothes that make women look thinner. It’s the whole idea that clothes can make us feel better about ourselves. I totally get that. And yet I chide myself for playing that game when I’m looking at my own photos.
Because why in the world is “thinner” better? Says who? Tell me that you are a different person when you’ve lost 10 pounds. Are you smarter, nicer, more capable, or anything besides lighter? And so why would that be better? Who started this whole idea that we should try to look any kind of “er” than we are?
Whenever I read those articles touting these ideas, I have to remember it’s just a person writing them. Are they all-knowing or truly an expert? Maybe. But still, even when I was 10 pounds heavier, I was still a kind and (usually) generous person. And I still loved to dress in fun clothes.
As Liz from Closet Play Image said “If you are happy, people will be noticing your attitude and glow, and not the extra inch across your hips/thighs/tummy/bust/insert personal neurosis here.” And isn’t that the absolute truth? Do you judge your friends by the size of their jeans? I doubt it. You love them with that perfectly imperfect idea in mind. It’s not our size that makes us who we are. At least it shouldn’t be. Just like our age doesn’t make us invisible or anything other than us.
Thoughts to Consider when you Find Yourself Saying these Comments
These are comments I hear all over Instagram or in conversations that make me stop and think. And here are my thoughts when I hear them. Truly the best thing is when we disagree. Because like I quoted recently, “We find comfort among those who agree with us-growth among those who don’t.” Frank A. Clark. So join in on the conversation and let’s grow together. Which of these do you find yourself saying, and have you ever thought about my counterthought?
1-I can’t wear that color. Trust me when I say, that wearing the colors that look great on you makes a huge difference. I think we showcased this perfectly after we had our color analysis. And ever since then I have been working really hard at not buying any colors that aren’t great on me, and getting rid of the ones that don’t make me shine. And I’m sure that’s exactly what people mean when they say this.
Yet the devil’s advocate in me wants to remind everyone, that there are so many ways to get around this. First off, EVERY color comes in different shades and values. You can wear yellow. Maybe not the bright, clear version but maybe the muted, cool version. Besides that, the color doesn’t have to be next to your face. Or if it is, you can try to add a scarf or a better color over it. Because my thinking is if you love a color, it can still be part of your wardrobe.
2–Black makes me look thinner. Okay, I understand the science behind this statement. But I will argue that it’s not as much the color, but the fit that will help anything look good on you. Notice I didn’t say thinner or even better. Yet when you’re trying to look your best, you want items that really fit. Like they were made for you. Don’t worry. I wrote a post on knowing which alterations you can count on to make pieces be right for you.
In the meantime, don’t depend on a certain color for wardrobe magic. If you really like black then that’s different. But evaluate how the color really makes you feel and why. I loved Liz’s article about black if you want some food for thought.
3–Does this make my butt look fat? Or as Nancy said when we were looking at tights, “I don’t want tights that make my legs look bigger”. It’s that whole concept that smaller is better. I think what really stopped and made me think twice was when Julia said “I’m allowed to take up some space and I have more important things to focus on than the need to look smaller.” Julia from When the Girls Rule. That’s when we wore our striped jackets. Did they make us look bigger? Even if they did, I will still argue we looked great.
But let’s just say you do have a big butt. Why is that bad? A butt is a butt. It serves you well. You use it daily. So it’s big. Heck, look at J.Lo and Kim Kardashian swinging theirs around and theirs aren’t the littlest things ever. And has that stopped them from doing what they want to do? So my thought is to stop obsessing about looking thin/slim/tall and enjoy your clothes.
This applies to women I’ve heard say that they can’t wear certain shoes because it makes their feet look bigger/longer. Again, does that seem silly only to me?
4–I like it on others, but I couldn’t wear it. This one is that I’ve been known to say in the past, so I can totally understand where it comes from. But as Karen said recently, “I don’t know if I’d be brave enough for the bright blue tights, but if I saw them on someone else, I’d definitely be complimenting her! On the other hand, I’d like to be bolder so would try them first with a black skirt. ” I love how Karen basically reasoned her way into thinking that maybe she could try this idea.
If you like it on others, then there’s no reason you couldn’t wear it. Maybe you need to start out with a smaller version or wearing it as an accessory because it seems too bold for you. But trust me. I never thought I’d be wearing over-the-knee boots 5 years ago, and now they are my favorites. Because not only do I feel modern in these boots, but they are warmer in the winter. So if you like them, think about the reason you like it. And then go for it.
Do you remember when you were a young kid, and it was fun to dress in bright colors and totally impractical outfits? It’s funny because I see those little girls at church and absolutely adore their looks. Yet each and every one of us would never wear them now. Why not? Well because we are adults, right? We have to be serious, act our age, and all those other idioms.
Yet does it seem practical to give up the fun in life? What if wearing bright pink and orange makes you happy. You should be able to wear those colors no matter what your age. So if you want to wear a unicorn on your top, I think you should. Or how about reindeers? Maybe your initial thought is, I’m too old for that. Yet I hope you stop and think twice about that.
Related post: Basic vs extra
I know many blogs I’ve read tout those certain rules about clothing for your shape and only buying things you will wear for the next 10 years. Not that this is necessarily bad, but I only hope you don’t get too caught up in a “rule.” You are a unique individual and deserve to be seen that way on the outside as well as the inside.
Understand, I am not suggesting you change everything or become an Advanced Style model. As much as I love Ari Seth, even I think his models can be over the top. Instead of becoming judgmental though, I have been trying to learn about them and find what I do like in their outfits. Because so many of those women are artists. And you know how creative that artist can be. And that is a good thing.
Maybe there is or should be a little bit of artist in all of us? I was beyond happy when one of the winners of my email giveaway said, “Between you and your “moms,” I receive so much inspiration. You have taken this gal who generally wore black and grays, sometimes navy blue and browns, into a world of color and pattern!”
Did anyone else read the backlash regarding Helen Mirren a while back? She was on Instagram wearing a backpack. And many commented that she was too old to wear it. A backpack? Really? Since when do backpacks have an age limit on them? Besides Helen is my icon, and she can rock anything she wants. But just remember, NO PIECE of clothing comes with a label that says “only for 20-year-olds.”
I’m not a fabulous writer. I ramble on and on and many times don’t always make sense. I go on tangents and forget my point half the time. But I am passionate about the fact that EVERY one of you is wonderful. Because I’ve met many of you. And each woman I meet has some remarkable stories and hills they’ve overcome. Which makes each person who they are.
And I only write this because I want each of us to embrace our perfectly imperfect bodies and selves. And to stop obsessing over some of those fashion rules that we grew up with. Have fun. Wear “good” clothes, wear fun clothes, and definitely wear what makes you happy.
And this sweatshirt? It’s from a small family-owned business called Brand Squawk. I bought it myself and proudly wear it because I adore the message. Of course, right now I don’t see it on their site. But maybe if you request it, they would bring it back. This company has many other inspirational messages on its tops. Truthfully, I only wish they came in more fun colors. But my friend, Lana, has a code for 20% off if you like anything. Use TBB20!!
Even if you wouldn’t consider purchasing your clothing online, it can be helpful to look through my links to see what is available! It certainly doesn’t hurt my feelings, if you click on them but don’t like them. Just so you know, one of the ways I make money from this blog is through these linked items.
See More of the Fun
So here are some fun items to tempt you to break out from the rules. Forget trying to be “er” about any part of yourself. Embrace the perfectly imperfect you. With items you love. They don’t have to be expensive. But have fun!
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