Sometimes a conversation with a friend sparks an idea. Sharing my self-confidence journey is one of those ideas, thanks to a conversation with my friend, Stephanie.
Quote of the day: “Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward.” Roy T. Bennett
It all started when Stephanie sent me a style video on Instagram in my DMs. Her comment was, “I struggle with oversized, unstructured looks. I feel like I don’t need anything to make me look/feel any bigger than I already do.”
My response to Stephanie at that moment was, “I do think the more we love ourselves, the easier it gets. I was looking back at some older photos of me and noticed that I always wore things that were very fitted, because I wanted everything to be flattering. Back in those days, I always worried about my weight and was never happy with my body.”
Even though I’ve shared over and over that looking taller and/or thinner is not the goal, IT IS a concept that has been beaten into us since we were young.
It boils down to how we change our mentality.
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Right: Now I enjoy color with my black and white.
Changing Our Mentality About Ourselves
I’m a firm believer that our conversations often go beyond fashion. Sure, I love talking about colors, patterns, and how to make an outfit feel “just right,” but what I’ve learned through the years is that confidence isn’t something you just wear. It’s something you build.
Pep talks are one of my favorite things to write, as proven with these:
–Rules I wished I learned sooner
–Time to dress loud
–Perfectly imperfect
Insider tip: Don’t just take my word for it, Shelbee just recently hit the same note in this article.
The hard thing to remember is that any self-confidence journey takes layers, trial and error, and a few moments of standing in front of the mirror wondering, “Does this really work for me?”
I don’t know if it will help anyone to share my self-confidence journey, but I thought I’d do it anyway. Believe me when I say that I DON’T have it all figured out, but sharing is always good.
Pro tip: Confidence, like style, evolves over time. And it’s like the dance where you take one step forward and two steps back.
Right: Now, when I believe more is more
Growing Up with “Good Girl” Syndrome
For much of my life, I was what you’d call a “rule follower.” I liked being liked, and I worked hard to do things the right way. I went to school, became a dentist, and tried to be the version of myself that would make everyone else proud.
But looking back, I realize that so many of my choices were about fitting in, not standing out. I wore the clothes I thought I should wear. Especially in high school, when the goal was to be popular, and then again when working, when I thought that I needed to look a certain way in my profession.
Looking back, my mother was fabulous at giving me the idea that I could do anything. She may have been her worst inner critic, but she did not push those negative thoughts on me.
However, in dental school, my self-confidence journey took a huge tumble. The environment was the “old boys club,” and some instructors were just downright mean (yet some were wonderful).
And then I married an abusive man. It’s incredible to me that I could have fallen into such a trap, but I had 2 huge faults:
-I thought it would change.
-I had told myself I would never get divorced.
Right: Now, when I rate an outfit with the fun factor…not trying to look skinny.
Our Physical Bodies
We all know the adage that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Yet as visual human beings, we are influenced by our physicality.
There is so much I could say about the evolution of women’s “ideal” bodies throughout the years, but let me boil it down to this:
The women who are in their 50s and older are the ones who have fought for equal rights, equal pay, as well as the right to wear pants. Most of the older women I talk to remember the days when they could only wear skirts to school.
And now look at us.
Those concepts of women have evolved, and while it may not be perfect yet, and while you as an individual may not have done the fighting…I think it’s important to put it in perspective.
After those kinds of changes in society, we shouldn’t be told that we need to look any kind of “er” to be beautiful.
Right: Now I layer and enjoy volume
Style as a Mirror for Confidence
It wasn’t until I started blogging that I realized fashion could be a tool for self-discovery.
When I first began Jodie’s Touch of Style, I thought it was going to be all about showing how women over 50 could still look modern and fun.
AND, I thought there was only 1 RIGHT way to dress. That’s almost as funny as when I first started knitting and told myself I wouldn’t make mistakes.
This blog became a mirror, both literally and figuratively.
Seeing my outfits on camera forced me to confront how I felt about myself. Some days, I looked at photos and thought, “That was a failure,” and other times, I loved what I saw.
What I learned was that confidence doesn’t just show up one day fully formed. It grows from doing. From trying new things, from failing, from laughing at yourself, from realizing that perfection is overrated, and from personality is what really shines.
Right: Now wanting to look fun
Letting Go of the “Age Rules”
Another turning point in my self-confidence journey came when I started questioning the so-called fashion “rules” for women of a certain age.
A couple of my pet peeves are:
- “Don’t wear bright colors after 50.”
- “Cover the flabby skin or obvious veins.”
- “Tone it down, you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard.” (This one really bugs me, because I think trying hard is a good thing).
Change is never an overnight event. In my self-confidence journey, I finally found my inner child and was styling more than 1 print in an outfit, wearing all the hats (even if I wasn’t sure they looked good on me), and even finding clever ways to wear my clothing (I call these hacks or ways to origami pieces).
Most of the time, I felt good in my styling journey.
Yet as we know, it’s an up-and-down process, and I’ve questioned myself many times (especially when I would get negative comments on my Facebook videos).
But, I’ve learned to analyze and reanalyze what I love about myself (not just physically, but everything about me) and continue to spread the idea that we are all fabulous.
Confidence Isn’t Linear
Like I said…confidence is a rollercoaster.
There are days when I feel on top of the world, strutting down the grocery aisle in a patterned jacket, thinking, “I’ve got this!”
And then there are days when the naysayers hit hard on my social media and I wonder, “Maybe I should tame it down?”
But here’s what I’ve learned: confidence doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself. It means you trust yourself enough to keep going anyway.
Because one thing we’ve learned with the accumulation of our birthdays is that those “failures” are just stepping stones to something bigger and better.
Every small act of courage adds up. Even if it’s just adding a statement necklace to a casual t-shirt.
What Helped Me With My Self Confidence Journey
Here are a few things that have made a big difference in my own journey:
- Experimenting with style. Trying new silhouettes, colors, and accessories taught me to see myself differently. Fashion became my playground, not a test I had to pass. There is no “right” or “wrong” but different variations of FUN.
- Watching other women who dress differently. While we tend to follow women who look like us or wear clothes in the “style” we like, I found that being open to other women’s ideas was much more eye-opening. (see pro tip below)
- Reframing mistakes. Whether it’s a fashion flop or a personal misstep, I’ve learned to see mistakes as part of the process. In fact, I tend to learn more from the flubs-whether it’s a proportional issue, or 2 items that don’t play well together.
- Talking kindly to myself. The words we use internally matter so much. I’ve replaced “I can’t wear that” with “Let’s see how it feels.” It may seem too woo-hoo to believe that our inner thoughts matter, but trust me, they do.
- Celebrating progress, not perfection. Confidence isn’t about being flawless. It’s more about being authentic, and if we know anything, it’s that we are all perfectly imperfect.
Pro tip: If you only wear the same things in the same way over and over, your self-confidence journey will not grow. Growth happens with change.
Right: Now I don’t worry about how small/big my body looks. Just if the outfit feels like me.
Ongoing Self Confidence Journey
One of the best parts of aging is that you start realizing how precious time is. You stop waiting for the “right” moment to wear something or to start something new.
That’s why I love it when readers tell me they’ve tried something bold because they saw it here. That’s not just style inspiration. I call it confidence in action.
Another way to think of it is that our self confidence journey is a lifelong relationship with ourselves.
Not that your younger self was bad, but hopefully you’ve evolved through the years.
So, wherever you are on your self confidence journey, I hope you are happy.
Loving your body is the best way to start.
And if you ever need a cheerleader, you know where to find me.
Thank You
I hope I thank you enough because your support allows me to continue this journey, which I LOVE!!!
Supporting a blog can be easy and free. Just visiting my pages, clicking my links (especially for small businesses and sponsored posts), and sharing the things you like on your social media make a huge difference. Spreading the word is how I can reach more wonderful people like you!
Or feel free to “buy me a coffee” which is a monetary way to tell me that you enjoy reading my blog.
Welcome to Jodie’s Touch of Style. I’m here to prove that it’s never too late to look great. Clothing and style are meant to showcase your inner personality. So let’s have fun and try new things.
It’s not just about me on this blog, but also my crew. We get to showcase not only different decades of life but also different body shapes and unique personal styles.
